


In Vino Veritas

by Percygranger



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: 2014 backlog, Drinking, Experimental Style, Gen, Night Vale Community Radio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percygranger/pseuds/Percygranger
Summary: Cecil gets smashed.A note: this was written in 2014, so events are current to that time in the show.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	In Vino Veritas

“Hello, dear listeners! Welcome to our annual message in a bottle show, celebrating the many great alcoholics of past and present. This is our time to get drunk, get maudlin, and find our very own truths at the bottom of a bottle. I hope you’re drinking along with us.”

:sound of a popping cork and pouring, then clinking glass:

“Cheers! I’m here with my new intern, Imbri. Don’t worry, she’s 22!” Cecil sighs gustily, and smacks his lips. “This is her first time joining us all in this great tradition, please send her your thoughts and prayers. Or, on second thought, no thoughts, just prayers to your local deity!”

“Now that we’re drinking, let’s get started. The mayor’s back! She held a press conference yesterday announcing her return. Personally, I would have booed her off the stage. Her discrimination and politicking against other certain draconic candidates makes her a terrible choice for leader. But then I guess we didn’t choose her after all! It takes a lot of power to bring someone back from the dead. And we all know who has the power here in Night Vale.” Cecil’s voice is friendly, knowing, smoothly guiding everyone to a conclusion. The only question is, does everyone make it? 

:sounds of gulping:

“This wine is really delicious. Let us know what vintages you’re drinking, listeners. We’re having ChocoVine Raspberry! Smooth chocolate, strong alcoholic taste, and a lovely hint of fruit. I would recommend it, but this was smuggled in by- oh, oops, probably shouldn’t say…”

“Back to the news...uh, let’s see...not that, not that. That’s a revision for last month. Ooh! Children’s science corner: did you know that the stars in the sky - you know, the pins of light way up high that we never see as we all pretend to sleep? - they are giant balls of burning gas millions and billions of miles away...well, that can’t be right. Everyone knows stars are holes in the fabric of reality that show us the burning, intense chaos of the universe should we dare to stare directly at them. If we dared, we’d be sucked right in, never to be seen again! So...don’t do that. This has been the children’s science corner.” 

“Please be aware that there will be a five car pileup at 4:38pm tomorrow on northbound Highway 11 in New Jersey. All commuters are asked to avoid that route, unless, of course, it’s your turn to crash your car. All delinquent car-crashers may make up their tardy by hitting the wall on 4th and Camden. Have fun and be safe out there! And now, the weather.” 

:glass clinking:

“Oh, liiiisteners! I’ve found my message in the bottle!” :faint clapping and a chuckle: “Oh, it’s so good. By which I mean terrifying and disturbing. Let me read it to you. ‘You never knew who you were. You never will. You never existed, even as a thought. You aren’t even a figment of someone’s imagination. You are not.’ Talk about your depressing message!”

:hiccup:

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m a happy drunk. This is no one, nothing, and certainly not Cecil Palmer, signing off!”

:glass shattering faintly, then a snore:


End file.
